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Monday, June 13, 2011

You had me at Weiner

The ongoing drama over the revelations that Congressman Anthony Weiner sexted pictures of himself in various poses to women on Twitter and FaceBook and god knows what else, for years, all while posing for everyone else as the next big thing in politics, reminds me of why I used to be a bully in school.

I don't normally like to kick a man when he's down, but with the boldfaced lying and denial Wiener exhibited in the interview a week before he announced it was really him and his idea all along, this baffling example of sheer unmitigated gall deserves some alternative analysis.

The addition of a level of personal pride and the thought that this idiot was considered to be a"catch" by even bigger idiots in New York, and proof once and for all, that fashion magazines are not just vapid, empty, and hollow shells of self absorption dedicated only to the idol worship of an unattainable ideal. They are far more dangerous than that.   

I used to be a bully in school. I specifically used to bully people like Weiner. For a reason.

People like Weiner, always stood out to me, often as unstoppable scum, and as such, as easily beat-uppable scum. I never bullied anyone who, by my loose book of rules, weren't asking for it right from the start. Either they were the bratty, spoilt rich kid who was completely annoying by trying to make everyone else sad and jealous of their toys or watches or clothes or candy, or they were the incessantly annoying kid who spoke the occasional sheer and utter nonsense out of turn, and then insisted he was right, or it was the kid who made the mistake of ratting us out to the teachers for our self appointed role.

Either way, they paid for their existence, and mostly for their inability to get that they simply "didn't get it". I am totally reformed from my way of bullying today. Well, almost. Occasionally like anyone, I revert. I still find myself occasionally feeling that familiar twinge and sweet urge to do what I always felt was my job in school, namely to bring "nature back into balance".

I will justify my former profession, by saying that there are always some kids in school, who need this.

I cannot guarantee that Anthony Weiner was that kid, or one in need of a good bullying like I used to dish out daily. But I can guarantee you this, if he had ever had the nerve to present himself as Anthony Weiner (and insist we pronounce it: Weener), on principle alone, he would have been addressed as such an audaciously arrogant act would demand. With pointed emphasis.

Regardless of your point of origin, where your family comes from, you simply do not insist that your name be pronounced the wrong way, and coincidentally and especially if it has the same pronunciation as a hot dog or the obvious body part it has always represented in modern American slang. Like forever.

Weiner pronounced normally, (or winer as in diner) would most likely be a reference to your ancient Ashkenaz heritage of honorable wine making.

There is a chance though, that your name is in fact pronounced like the processed pork sausage, (weener). However, that would represent your lineage and origin as having been someone from Vienna, and then the most likely spelling of your name would be Wiener. The pork sausage connection to Vienna, purely coincidental. Other than it's American processed deli-aisle namesake, Vienna is in fact not all that popular for sausage. Operas and ballets and painting and literature, and a severe mark on civilized western culture, sure. But pre-cooked salted meat by-products formed into animal intestines, not so much. Frankfurt would be a better choice.

So Weiner like wine, and Wiener like Vienna.

But insisting on the wine spelling WITH the sausage pronunciation, in America, today? In full concert with sexting messagery, and I'm sorry, you're asking for a lot of trouble.

I know that I could have or would have helped Weiner with his problem early on in school had we ever had the chance or (mis-fortune in his case!) to be in the same educational system together.

Anyone within my earshot at the peak of my bullydom, even quietly suggesting that someone call him "Weener", would have had to prove why, on the spot, immediately via a highly effective bullying technique called "pantsing". And having successfully dispelled that myth they attempted to propagate, purely and only for their own advantage, would have been shamed and humiliated beyond measure, and this I guarantee, they would have changed the pronunciation request back to "Winer", as the English language and the standard Weiner spelling demands.

This single act of public pant removal, could have stopped young Weiner in his tracks far early on, and steered him clear of what can only be described as a disastrous path that he has taken since. And certainly appears trapped upon today.

Had he insisted or persisted on requiring the appendage pronunciation, further action leading up and including physical beatings would have been applied until there was compliance with the rule of law. Granted it was my law, but it was the playground law nonetheless.

For clearly, no one can deny that the man needs a good slap in the mouth. A thump on his large nose. A swift kick to the backside. I was also going to say public pantsing, but with the years that he has been obviously deluding and promoting himself as god's other gift to women, he'd probably enjoy that experience way too much.

1 comment:

  1. Damned, Bruce, about poor Anthony Weiner you have been 2 days before me writing some silly comments. Anyhow, I promise that my thoughts about how he misused his political power to attract young chicks ( written long before I red your blog. Why he did this I simply can not get ? He has this must enchanting, intelligent wife Huma Abedin. To risk this for a bunch of stupid cheer-leader bitches shows a sort of desire for self-distruction.

    Regards Michael