Monday, June 13, 2011
You had me at Weiner
The ongoing drama over the revelations that Congressman Anthony Weiner sexted pictures of himself in various poses to women on Twitter and FaceBook and god knows what else, for years, all while posing for everyone else as the next big thing in politics, reminds me of why I used to be a bully in school.
The addition of a level of personal pride and the thought that this idiot was considered to be a"catch" by even bigger idiots in New York, and proof once and for all, that fashion magazines are not just vapid, empty, and hollow shells of self absorption dedicated only to the idol worship of an unattainable ideal. They are far more dangerous than that.
People like Weiner, always stood out to me, often as unstoppable scum, and as such, as easily beat-uppable scum. I never bullied anyone who, by my loose book of rules, weren't asking for it right from the start. Either they were the bratty, spoilt rich kid who was completely annoying by trying to make everyone else sad and jealous of their toys or watches or clothes or candy, or they were the incessantly annoying kid who spoke the occasional sheer and utter nonsense out of turn, and then insisted he was right, or it was the kid who made the mistake of ratting us out to the teachers for our self appointed role.
Either way, they paid for their existence, and mostly for their inability to get that they simply "didn't get it". I am totally reformed from my way of bullying today. Well, almost. Occasionally like anyone, I revert. I still find myself occasionally feeling that familiar twinge and sweet urge to do what I always felt was my job in school, namely to bring "nature back into balance".
I will justify my former profession, by saying that there are always some kids in school, who need this.
Regardless of your point of origin, where your family comes from, you simply do not insist that your name be pronounced the wrong way, and coincidentally and especially if it has the same pronunciation as a hot dog or the obvious body part it has always represented in modern American slang. Like forever.
Weiner pronounced normally, (or winer as in diner) would most likely be a reference to your ancient Ashkenaz heritage of honorable wine making.
So Weiner like wine, and Wiener like Vienna.
But insisting on the wine spelling WITH the sausage pronunciation, in America, today? In full concert with sexting messagery, and I'm sorry, you're asking for a lot of trouble.
Anyone within my earshot at the peak of my bullydom, even quietly suggesting that someone call him "Weener", would have had to prove why, on the spot, immediately via a highly effective bullying technique called "pantsing". And having successfully dispelled that myth they attempted to propagate, purely and only for their own advantage, would have been shamed and humiliated beyond measure, and this I guarantee, they would have changed the pronunciation request back to "Winer", as the English language and the standard Weiner spelling demands.
This single act of public pant removal, could have stopped young Weiner in his tracks far early on, and steered him clear of what can only be described as a disastrous path that he has taken since. And certainly appears trapped upon today.
For clearly, no one can deny that the man needs a good slap in the mouth. A thump on his large nose. A swift kick to the backside. I was also going to say public pantsing, but with the years that he has been obviously deluding and promoting himself as god's other gift to women, he'd probably enjoy that experience way too much.