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As all arrogant writers, we often think we are quite prolific. Here are a list of those moments, when I am especially proud of myself. 

Now that I look at them, some of them are quite good!


"The great irony is that while almost all religious folks can read well, almost none of them are well read." - B. Bahmani 7/8/2013

"My new life mantra: What Would Assange Do?" - B. Bahmani 7/8/2013

"Iranians are prisoners who do not realize that the cage door has actually been unlocked for 2800 years." - B. Bahmani 7/2/2013

"Most men are pussies, most women are dicks, but roughly the same very few number of men and women have balls..." - B. Bahmani 5/28/13

"Conspiracy, is so often under appreciated. Almost no one notices the genuine artistry that goes into a really good one." - B. Bahmani 5/3/13

"Americanism cannot be implanted by invasion. Americanism can only be spread by infection." - B. Bahmani 4/25/13

"Iranians are sort of like Mexicans. Most of the time, happy, hard working, and on occasion when we drink too much, get hilariously angry. At each other." - B. Bahmani 4/25/13

"The main reason why Iran is not Free is that Iranians are too busy haggling over the price of Freedom..." - B. Bahmani, 4/11/13

"US Foreign Policy has proven over and over, that "The Enemy of my Enemy..." is never your Friend. It is just someone you are using and taking advantage of for now, in order to hurt your enemy. Not surprisingly, this creates more enemies." - B. Bahmani, 4/2/13

"Doves may Cry, but Chickens Bleed." - B. Bahmani, 3/31/13

"The amount of political and civic participation by the Iranian people is directly proportional to the amount of political and civic participation by Iranian-Americans. Or a little more than zero." - B. Bahmani March 23, 2013

"Peace contains power" - B. Bahmani June 18, 2012

"There are no scenarios in which the Iranian people rise up and overthrow an oppressive government and the tyrants that rule them. Proof of this is that after the Oscars, Iranians are more concerned with Argo than Les Miserables." - B. Bahmani February 26, 2013

"At this point in life, the "First Order of Business" is an Advil." - B. Bahmani  December 13, 2012

"The President of Iran is the Rodney Dangerfield (PBUH) of Presidents." - B. Bahmani  October 13, 2012

"The Good guys do not have to play dirty because Truth is their weapon. But The Good Guys must be utterly ruthless in their use of it!" - B. Bahmani  October 13, 2012

"Unlike Americans, Iranians don't pursue happiness. They catch up to it, just to drive it off the road and run it into the ditch." - B. Bahmani May 15, 2012.

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. But living in FEAR is harder." - B. Bahmani, November 23, 2011

"Apparently Utopia, is a place where you finally get the peace and quiet (emphasis on the quiet) to do a lot of shutting up and listening." - B. Bahmani March 25, 2011

"The American dream is alive and well as long as you can afford the extended payment plan." - B. Bahmani March 2, 2011

"Voting in an Iranian election, is like ordering Filet Mignon at McDonalds and when you get the same old cold hamburger, you tell everyone, "Be Patient One day soon, we will get Filet Mignon from McDonalds!"  Sure, it could happen, but everyone pretty much knows that at this time in history, McDonalds has no plans to serve Filet Mignon." - B. Bahmani, November 7, 2010

"Everyone in America can have the American Dream. As long as you can afford the payments" -B. Bahmani August 13, 2010

"People in the US and in Iran are afraid of the same thing. That Iran is going to attack them at any minute." - Bruce Bahmani, August 6, 2010

"Iranians are confusingly patient, almost like a Down's Syndrome Buddhist Meditating (is he meditating or is he retarded?)."  - Bruce Bahmani, June10, 2010

"Indeed today's modern Iran has many virtues and accomplishments that it can genuinely be proud of. Sadly however, a conscience is not one of them."
- Bruce Bahmani, Feb, 2010

"At this point in time, Jahanshah Javid can be the biggest Asshole in the world and they'd still let him into heaven." August 2010

"build it and they will coma" January 2010

"The Iranian woman is so worried these days, about being called "Slut", that they have [almost] entirely forgotten how good they are at it." - Bruce Bahmani August 2009

"At some point you have to seriously consider that it might be entirely possible that Iranians were never actually meant to be free. Because if they were, you'd think that in 2500 years, we'd have taken some kind of step toward it by now." - B. Bahmani 03/23/09

"I have come to the conclusion that everything and anything that is readable, watchable, or listenable on the internet, is an utter, absolute, very stylishly presented lie." - B. Bahmani 1/14/09

"The next Iranian revolution could be won in less than 15 minutes, without a single shot being fired, or one drop of blood being spilled, if the Iranian government ever makes the mistake of allowing simple, normal, standard, free debate."
- B. Bahmani 12/8/08

"No. As long as US foreign policy continues to be hijacked by backroom dealing and backstabbing administrators, and is not answerable to the American people, there will be uncertainty. Blessedly though there will be untold profits to made from this, hence the uncertainty. Iran however, is merely following the same guidelines that US foreign policy has so clearly left for it to follow in the desert sand. Iran today enjoy's it's role and relishes it's newfound purpose and greater mission, namely to put the oil in turmoil around the world."
- B. Bahmani 10/24/08

"I acknowledge that while some people in Iran today are very cool, possibly even cooler than me, that on the whole, Iran is like an overweight ugly teenage girl with braces, a forehead full of pimples, and long greasy hair, who constantly asks you if you want to dance."
- B. Bahmani 5/14/08

"While the Iranian diet contains more than it's fair share of cynicism, what is painfully obvious is that we simply aren't getting enough irony."
- B. Bahmani 4/19/08

"There is never a wrong time to admit the obvious.
- B. Bahmani 4/08"

"Priests are like therapists really, they help you deal with your own problems and reality by providing plausible deniability as you comfortably and voluntarily confide in them. The only difference is that priests think they actually work for God, while therapists think they actually are God."
- Bruce Bahmani, 1/6/08

"When you meet an Iranian for the first time, you have to understand that the reason they seem a bit flighty, jittery and jumpy, is simply a reaction to the fact that everyone around them thinks that they are paranoid."
-Bruce Bahmani, 12/14/07

"I often think that I could probably be a really great life-coach to someone, if I wasn't so mentally fucked up."
- Bruce Bahmani 10/29/07

"Almost all Iranian artists are extra ordinary. But every now and then, you will actually run into a pretty good one." - Bruce Bahmani 10/26/07

"My American Dream is for Iran to be Free."
- Bruce Bahmani 10/14/07

"When it comes to Iran, the US finds itself caught between Iraq and a hard place."
- Bruce Bahmani 9/17/06

Good titles for liberal books; 10/02/07

"If Conservatives are so right about knowing what to do, than why do they always screw things up?"

"Why conservatives talk good, but never seem to be able to deliver"

"The Reagan Myth: How Conservatism has Continually Betrayed America"

"Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, The Salesmen behind Conservatism's Great Swindle of America"

"The main problem with Republicans is admitting they were wrong after they forced everyone to accept some radical conservative idea, and then it fails miserably. It probably has something to do with them not believing in evolution."
-Bruce Bahmani 10/8/07

"Unfortunately I'm too busy running away from the Iranian Nightmare, to think about chasing the American Dream."
-Bruce Bahmani 8/29/07

"Iran is the biggest single example of the Stockholm Syndrome. The people have been sympathizing with their kidnappers for the past 2500 years"
-Bruce Bahmani 2/13/07

"I wish I could deal with the whole moral dilemma of being a heartless cruel bastard. Because sometimes, when I am faced with the right asshole, I find that I have a real knack for it!"
-Bruce Bahmani 12/20/06

"The biggest problem with xenophobia is that it's often really lonely!"
-Bruce Bahmani 12/8/06

"Being a dictator seems to me to be far too much work and worse, is exhausting! It's far easier to just give the people freedom, so they can make all the hard decisions. Plus if you do this, the people tend to let you stay in power longer, than if you keep killing them for merely speaking up."
- Bruce Bahmani 8/28/06

"Listening to [Shirin] Ebadi speak is like watching a lesbian stripper. It's an interesting performance, but somehow you get the feeling, she isn't doing it for you."
-Bruce Bahmani 8/15/06

"I have rarely, if ever, found rich people engaging, or even interesting to talk to. The conversation inevitably leads to how they became rich, and they usually don't have any kind of coherent answer."
-Bruce Bahmani 7/10/06

"Tehran memories and Tehran days, when Tehran summers were hot and Tehran time stood stylishly still."
-Bruce Bahmani 8/29/05

"Life is short, drink it up. Large frothy gulps of it, swallow it fast, and then wipe your mouth on your sleeve, hurry and drink some more before the owner comes back!"
- Behrouz Bahmani 3/26/02

"Being Iranian is like having herpes. Every 2 weeks or so you get this major outbreak, it's often socially embarrassing, and you just have to learn to live with it."
- Behrouz Bahmani, May 2005

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